I Love Mama!!!
A day of sorrow meets one where comfort is as invisible as God. A loved one’s surprise should be lovelier than spirits. What I did is unfathomed. I have yet to suggest my illness. Mama is my cradle; I sleep in her. I would have loved to sleep in the air instead, where it is impossible for me to exist or be seen.
“Hello Dr …I had to see you as soon as possible,” Mama said catching her breath as if in a chase from a whirlwind. Her heart must have been.
“How are you Kate? Is everything okay?” Dr. Susan asked
“... It’s Eric, I felt it again on my knee when I hugged him for school.”
“Yea I know …it’s a difficult issue.” Dr. Susan replied as she prompted mama to sit down. I could over hear and see them through the mirrored door. Mama had told me to wait at the stairs. I was a stubborn child.
The morning before my 10th birthday, Mama and I had gone to this strange airy office, to a doctor that just talks the whole time and makes mama cry. She had asked me a couple of questions. She asked me about my friends at school. If I liked basketball…I answered. I thought doctors only gave shots; I never knew they asked so many stupid questions.
The next day, I woke up to the sweetest dream in the world. Mama was in it. She was beautiful and I felt all the love in the world. But today after mama shouted at me for dirtying my shirt, I don’t know if I’ll have the same dream tonight.
“Good morning honey, did u sleep well?” Mama called.
“Good morning mama…hmm…I want a hug” I slowly replied as I looked down at her breast as if I was ready to be breastfed. I was shorter than mama. Mama took me to school that morning. She kissed me goodbye. Man, I love mama. Her kisses are sweeter to me than life; literally.
At school I thought about the questions Dr. Susan had asked me. I wondered if I really cared or loved anything. I realized all I loved was my precious mama.
Mama picked me up from school. Right on time, like she always did. Later in the evening, I heard mama talking on the phone to someone. I had just woken up from a sweet and tender nap. I walked drowsily towards her to ask for a drink. “Ok I’ll call you back…” she said as she saw me walk towards her. I was a little troubled by her agitation that day; it was unlike her.
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Ten years later, I had grown into a man; my life was disturbing but was also improving. You see, as a boy I was very fond of my mother. I loved her hair, I loved her smile, and I loved her legs. I just loved my sweet pear and peaches mama. I would have married mama if I could. But of course that would be outrageous and crazy; plus oh so gross.
I was still living with mama at age twenty. I loved her too much to let her live alone. I believe I was a fairly handsome man. Mama told me all the time what a charm I was. I agreed. I became fond of women, who chased me regardless. I had a familiar faced girlfriend who I loved. She was sweet with a gorgeous pear shape. I would have married her if only I was ready or if she was my perfect dream wife. All I wanted was more of a mother.
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The silhouette of the sun was upon my face. Blood, frozen in my skull, was incomparable to the feelings I had deep within. I thought about God; what God would think of me now. I began to discover myself; my strengths and weaknesses. I discovered what I felt in my heart and in my pants. I had also been seeing Dr. Susan the family therapist. She was also helping me discover myself as a man. What a burden I was to shoulder.
“Hello Eric…how are you coping?” Dr. Susan asked as she looked at me from underneath her hazel framed glasses.
“I’m doing well Dr, much better now.”
“Good …good! How are your dreams? Are they still…”
I interrupted before Dr. Susan could finish speaking. I wanted to talk to her so badly; I had a lot on my mind. “Hmmm…they are still there, so are the thought, feelings, desires etc…I love her doc…I do!!!”
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I was feeling very well today. My girlfriend and I had just come from a fun vacation to sex land. She let it loose this time. She actually said it was me that was the wild one. I don’t think so. She’s thin and hot, pear shaped, smells good. She turns me on.
Sunday morning was church. I liked church…a little. I think. My guilt couldn’t let me go and actually worship today. Last week before I went to see Dr. Susan, I had done something I enjoyed but also wanted to die because of. I was walking down the path of my hallway. It was about 1:00am in the morning. I just had one of those dreams…and I guess I was still asleep. Mama’s door was a little cracked open like a crease on a shirt. It was just a little bit awkward that I noticed this night; mama’s door is always open.
I slowly walked to the rest room…I slowly unzipped my pant…my penis was a little harder than usual…it is mostly after those dreams. Suddenly like waves chasing after the sun so it doesn’t burn its silky skin; thoughts ran through my mind. Mama was right there in me; me in her. I ran to mama room; I undressed her, I fell on her bed and…a breeze of hot flame blew at my heart. Mama cried.
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Since I was a child I had always been a keen child. I was sensitive in everyway. I liked to stay home; and be around mama. I was mama’s baby. Papa was never there of course; he left when I was like two. But, Dr. Susan knew. She knew something was wrong. I didn’t. I just thought everyone’s penis was always rising; especially after getting a hug or kiss from their mama. Mama knew too; she was a little keener than me. She knew there was some attachment I had that was not healthy; that is why she contacted Dr. Susan. But Dr. Susan knew more than mama. She knew I loved mama in a crazy, intense and hotter than pepper in my buttocks way. But what Dr. Susan did not know was that I loved, really loved, my mother.
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